Well - it’s time for Championship Week in the NFL. It’s really too painful to watch as I still attempt to recover from the Cowboys loss. At least it appears they are keeping Jason Garrett to lead and provide stability for the organization. Thank you, Jerry Jones for being the antitheses of Mike Brown.
I was going to hand my column over to my alter-ego Ryan Brawlings again this week since I could hardly care who wins this week; but he is currently running around the backyard naked, painted green with real cheese taped to his head (made my turkey sandwich a little less tasty), screaming “Favre is the greatest!!”
So - I could sit on the couch this weekend and watch every minute of these games and get all into it…but I just can’t. I have decided I am rooting for the Patriots to roll through the playoffs because that way I can convince myself that the Cowboys would not have won the Super Bowl this year anyway. Mind over matter.
I think when your team loses it gives you a chance to re-evaluate life. Kind of like when you swear off drinking after waking up from your friends 40th birthday party naked on your coach downstairs with a huge headache and that oh-so great taste in your mouth… You swear off football and make sweeping statements about how you realize that there is so much more to life.
I offer alternative suggestions to watching the NFL Championship games this Sunday:
10. Who are those little people over there and that woman who keeps putting food on the table? - Get reacquainted with your family! Go throw the ball with Jr. or show him your old baseball card collection. Read a story to your little girl. Pet the dog, and then take the whole family out to dinner (and not a sports bar) - the little lady deserves a night off from bringing you and your friends non-stop wings and potato skins.
9. Honey - what’s wrong with this? - Believe me, she remembers the day she asked you that question about the disposal; it was August 28 and then football started and you just knew this was the year for your team so all the “Honey do” lists got pushed aside. So fix that squeaky back door, replace those light bulbs and clean out the dog’s cage - you just might score more points than your team did in that heartbreaking loss.
8. Who are the Smithermens? - Every year you get that Christmas card with the perfect picture of a family on the front and have no idea who they are. You rack your brains but can’t come up with it. They look so happy and peaceful. Call them up and have them over for dinner. Chances are the husband is just as miserable as you are so you all can commiserate over a few beers and talk about how great next year will be!
7. Get out on the town! - This one has so many possibilities. I am going to gear this one especially for Colts fans because Indy, in my opinion, is the greatest city in the world (ready to receive hate mail form NY, Chicago, Vegas, Venice, Rome etc). The downtown is clean and safe and brimming with restaurants, shops, bars, entertainment, museums and more! So get a sitter and make a night of it; or take the kids and have a blast. Either way that $140 you drop will be so much more worth it than going to a game or a sports bar and coming home bloated and ticked off.
6. NBA Action, It’s Fantastic! - There are other sports, you know. This NBA season is really shaping up to be exciting with Boston and Detroit in the East being chased by King James and the Cavs, not to mention the West loaded with fast-break teams. Catch a game! The NBA game gets such a bad rap nowadays when, in fact, it has clearly surpassed the college game for talent and drama. And no, they do not walk every other play and let Jordan get away with anything and everything he wants.
5. Take a nap - Now this one may go against all the positive family themes of some of the previous items, but look at yourself in the mirror. All of those Sunday night, Monday night and Bowl games have caught up to you - you look like hell! Get some rest as that way you’ll have more time to….
4. Start a new hobby - Your kids got you that model train starter kit (6) years ago. For one weekend you locked yourself in the basement and feverishly worked setting up the table and started to lay track. You could just knew that by next weekend you would have (3) engines running through an elaborate countryside and small town; and now, (6) years later it is still down there with suitcases you’ve been too lazy to store on top and half the Christmas decorations piled high. Get back to it and do something for yourself.
3. Start prepping for fantasy baseball - Your draft is probably just about (8) weeks away. While all those other fools watch football, get a leg up on who the up and coming superstars will be this year. Plan your strategy and discover that hidden gem that you will steal in the 12th round. Make this the year you challenge for the league title by being prepared!
2. That clothes rack really needs cleaned off - Guess what - it’s actually a treadmill! Pack up all the sweatshirts and boxers and get on there and lose some of that beer and wings gut. Summer will be here before you know it and you just know that the cute teenage lifeguard at the pool really does have a thing for you. Make sure you are ready to strut across that pool deck and execute a perfect swan dive looking ripped and sleek in your Abercrombie and Fitch swim suit. Watch out ladies!
1. Watch the games! - After all, they don’t start until 3:00 on Sunday. That gives you Friday night, all day Saturday and most of Sunday to get all this other stuff done. Do you really want to be the one guy at work who missed Brett Favre’s underhand, left-handed, over the back TD pass or Moss’s leaping grab for his 4th score of the game? Plus there is no football next weekend anyway. So there you have it - everyone in your household will be better off, happier, more productive and you will not have missed a thing! Brilliant!
Oh yeah - Lambeau will be cold, Favre will be smiling and Eli will be Eli. Green Bay will cover the 7 and beat the Giants. Green Bay 26 Giants 17
And Brady and company will continue the pursuit of perfection by drubbing the Chargers but just not covering the 15. New England 28 Chargers 20.
By the end of the Packers game Joe Buck will be laughing like a giddy school girl as he salivates and sets up the Brett Favre v. Pursuit of Perfection storylines for the Super Bowl. Go on now - get to it!